how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Farmville is her only friend.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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