"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
