i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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