I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
