i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
