This is not my ceiling
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Randomize
