I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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