i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
