I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
