Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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