Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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