32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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