I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
