I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
