Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
