I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Randomize
