Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
What did we do last night that was yellow?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
