I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
