I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
