So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
