I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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