i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
