Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
