Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize