Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Randomize
