I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Church boner. Awkwardddd
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Randomize
