Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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