Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
