drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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