It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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