U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
honey bunches of taint.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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