apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
