People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
