where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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