Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
