I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I am available for nakedness
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
