I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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