I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Randomize
