guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Buhtt sex?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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