I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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