The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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