Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
