I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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