the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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