I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
