So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
