ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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