At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
only if we run a train.
done.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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