She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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