Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
