I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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