i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
