nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
