My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
