You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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