question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
