is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize