you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
