how can u be prego again
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
