too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
