So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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