Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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