If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
