Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
